I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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