I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
