I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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