I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
