I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
