he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
