Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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