girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can you repeat that, but with context?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
