oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
