69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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