either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize