We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
did i just pee glitter
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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