so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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