1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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