After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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