There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
