Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
