I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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