dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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