my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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