Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
