I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
