So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
