420 ftw
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
