Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this will be a night to untag.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
