im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
