it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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