she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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