i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
