Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
