There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
