i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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