by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
