dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
