Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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