Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
