how can u be prego again
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
