Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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