Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize