Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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