What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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