I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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