Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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