I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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