I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
