it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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