I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
