i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
