currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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