Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Your penis caused this!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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