Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
