i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
