There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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