I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize