she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
