Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
