i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
