So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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