I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
